Ways To Kill Dylan
by nudge-wanna-be
Summary: Ways To kill Dylan! NOT a oneshot! Will Update VERY often! Dylan gets to die! Plz Read! Praise for Fangalicous08! 4th fanfic.
1. Chapter 1

25 Ways To Kill Dylan

Have Max tell him to commit suicide

Feed him to the kids in Africa

Take off wings and push him off a roof

Drown him but tell him its so he can develop gills

Starve him

Give him to the Institute for higher living so that they can turn him into another experiment

Have Max tell him that he's a failure at romance (suicide)

Go swimming with sharks

Have Fang come back and have sex with Max in front of him (suicide)

Have Max marry Fang (suicide)

Take out his internal organs

Run him over with a truck

Have a joust

Hug him to death

Banish him to the pits of Tartartus

Shoot him with a gun

Shoot him with a bow an arrow

Shoot him with a tranquilizer dart

Shoot him with a cannon

Sit on him for a long time

Send him to Antarctica

Have Akila, Magnolia, and Total eat him

Choke him with a scarf

Set him up against Omega

Tell him to fly up into space and see how long he'll last till he suffocates


	2. Chapter 2

Ways To Kill Dylan

Chapter 2

Feed him Max's cooking

Tell him Max died

Say that the only way to except him into the flock is to have him fly upside down

Mercilessly pelt him with rocks

Staple him to death

Lock him in an elevator with the Gasman

Lock him in an elevator without the Gasmam

Attack him with elephants

Attack him with camels

Attack him with snowballs

Attack him with Fang crazy fangirls

Sing Hannah Montana Music until he commits suicide to end the terror

Kill his plastic surgeon and don't let him have a new one

Give him brain/open heart surgery blind folded

Cut off his feet with safety scissors

Drop him off a cliff in his sleep

Go golfing and give him a bomb instead of a golf ball

Make him wear skinny jeans that cut off his circulation and loose his legs and tell him that he can't be in the flock asny more because of it

Replace his eyes and ears with jaw breakers

Lock him in an over sized purse

Feed him to erasers (original, huh?)

Cut off his wings

Feed him desert rat (yum!)

Have him fly in a hurricane like they did

Decapitate him on live television


	3. Chapter 3

Ways To Kill Dylan

Chapter 3

Have Max kidnap him and put him in handcuffs, then lower him into a cage of rabid hungry marmosets slathered in strawberry jelly and hot sauce (the marmosets' favorite foods). Have them take off his fingers, then harvest the fingers and feed them to Akila. Then wire a pair of headphones to his head and force him to listen to the audiobooks of Twilight on repeat while the rabid marmosets slowly chew him to bits from the feet up.

Sign Nudge Up to be a monk under Dylan's name, where she will have to take a vow to eternal silence, and tell her that the only way to stop it is to kill him. So, She'll take a saw and cut him up into pieces so small that the only thing visible is blood. Last, she moves to Africa and goes under the name "Squanish", so Angel won't read her thoughts and turn her in

Make him believe that he is allergic to everything by giving him that medicine that makes you get warts and hives in his food. Convince him that if he eats it he will die, so then he starves, and you burn his corpse and roast marsh mellows over the fire that he's on, then leave them on the grave stone (for his ashes) every death day for him.

Make him overhear you talking about a "party" that you're going to take him to, then blindfold him, take him to a graveyard ,get all romantic with him, and just as you're about to kiss him, push him into a coffin and close the lid. Then leave.

Convince Percy Jackson that he is Kronus in his ultimate form. Then he'll go up to him, ask him to sign a contract, hold out his pen, then click it when it's in front of his heart, so he dies.

Buy sixty goats, llamas, and sheep (each). Then invite him to go on a cruise with Max. The goats, llamas, and sheep will be on there, too. Then, as he is about to kiss Max, the goats, llamas and sheep run in, carry off Dylan, and drown him in the ocean because he doesn't have gills like Max, Fang, and Angel.

Have Angel "persuade" foot ball coaches to fight over Dylan for their team. Then, to prove how strong he is, he is put up against all of the football players of that season at the same time. He is tackled immediately by the Stealers, Panthers, and Dolphins. The others run in for back up later, to find the players pounding at a dead Dylan.

Bring him ice skating multiple times, each time putting 15 pounds of lead in his skates. Then, bring him to a pond with really thin ice. Tell him to push as hard as he normally did, except you "forget" to put in the lead, so the ice cracks and he falls down into the water, and freezes to death.

Give orders to give him an operation. Then, dress up as one of the doctors, send the other doctors away, and cut out his stomach. Tell him later that they were taking out a tumor and now he needs to eat a lot to recover. Force him to eat more than his regular, and then watch from there on out. This will be a killer and a great science experiment and "daddy story" to tell your kids.

Have Angel "persuade" people to make the flock models. Then, after a while, go on a tour to Greece or Rome. When you are posing for a picture, press a button that drops a pillar on him. If he lives, say it was a one time thing. Repeat this if necessary.


	4. Chapter 4

Ways to Kill Dylan

Chapter 4

Show Dylan a Zeus bobblehead, and have him say on tape recorder "He has a big head." Then, show it to Zeus, and then he will zap Dylan's head, killing him.

Take his bones and break them to dust and stretch his arms to hurt like hell and then shoot him many places but don't let him bleed out, then cut his legs up into little pieces and punch him in his pretty face till its deformed shoot him where it counts and then cut them out stab one eye out so he can still see what you are doing with the other put him on fire until his skin burns off then use salt water to put it out then destroy his internal organs rip out his bones then take out the other eye the use a boulder to smush his arms and last rip and squeeze his arms out after pouring acid in his lungs

Bring him to a medieval chariot race. Then, knock him out, and tie each limb (all six) to a different chariot, each going different directions, and watch joyfully as each limb is torn apart from his body.

Bring him to a festival where they paint faces, and convince him to get the full body job. Use heavy quick-job paint to do this, which causes him to suffocate under the heaviness. Then wash him off and say that he was a crazy drug addict.

Buy avenues fly trap and bring it to the school. Thy will genetically enchance it so that it is 14 times it's size. Put Dylan in a bug costume, telling him it's for Halloween, and lock him in a room with it. No clean up necessary.

Convince him that you're testing his strength to identify sodas, and blindfold him. Then after a few drinks, give him wet quick-dry cement. Watch as his internal organs freeze and dry up.

Put a bomb in his birthday cake. Have him put out the candles, then jump on him so that his face gets smushed in. Gazzy will then activate the bomb, so that he explodes and you are a safe distance away but close enough to get splattered with cake.

While recovering from pulling his tonsils out ( does he even _have_ tonsils?), feed him ice cream daily. Either give him death by brain-freeze, or put in finely grained glass so that he internally bleeds to death.

Cut off Dylan's foot, and tape his foot in their mouth. Cut off his fingers (all of them) and stick 2 of them in his nostrals. Then wait from him to choke to death.


	5. Chapter 5

Ways To Kill Dylan

Chapter 5

Tell King Arthur that Dylan is a dragon under disguise and it's his job to slay it. Then tell the dragon that he is a cow in a human suit and that it's obvious that it is because no one looks that perfect. Then you have them chase Dylan around the country, video taping the whole thing.

Tell him that you're playing hide and seek, and the best way to not get found is to hide in a casket with holes. Do this before it rains. Then he will drown!

Put him in an air tight tank. Then slowly push to bottom of the ocean. There will be a timer that says 10 MINUTES UNTILL YOU DIE, and it will count down. Then, when it reaches zero, it explodes, and no one ever knows…

Cut off arms, legs, and wings, then dump him in a volcano, along with bulldogs. Watch him get eaten by the bulldogs. Then call the ambulance/police and tell them that he committed suicide.

Enter him in a circus act, where he will have to fly around while holding 5 fangirls/fanboys, and then dodge cannons. Personally take care of the cannon yourself, making sure to hit him.

Have Angel mind-control him to go up to lord Voldemrt, and call him bored moldy wart. Then, if that doesn't work, have him continue making fun of him until he's killed.

Knock him out while he's asleep (Huh?) and tie up every body part (yes, all of them) with rubber/hair bands. Then every part of him will loose circulation. Record this and put on YouTube, while doing an evil laugh. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

While he's sleeping, cover him in permanent marker completely, even if you have to strip him down. Take pictures, post them on the internet, and he'll either die of embarrassment or lead poisoning.

Knock him out and drop him in a steel cylinder. Then you pelt him with watermelons until he get's up, Then finaly drop a huge one down, blocking out the air, so he suffocates. **(That's for you, Gracie!) **

Force him to repeatedly watch the Twilight series until he kills himself. Twilight is enough to cause most people to commit suicide, but if that doesn't work, while he's engaged with watching it, dress up like Edward and kill him with a knife.


	6. Chapter 6

**Ways To Kill Dylan**

**Chapter 6**

_I would like to thank flyingsolo365, my-name-isn't-Garrett, and Gdeni for helping me on this. :)_

Bring him into this universe and give people such as KageEgak, ChibiAnimeFreak, OwlInAMinor, Flyingsolo365, Gdeni, and I weapons, then let us loose. No further explanation necessary.

Have him fall in love with celebrities (ie: those vampire chicks, singers, actors, authors, and plain well known people like Frosty the snowman and Rudolph) then tell him they all died. Repeat this until he commits suicide. If he doesn't break, tell him Max died too.

Make him believe that Max suffered and died through one of these cruel and unusual deaths- better yet, all of these cruel and unusual deaths.

Set a mob of crazy Fax fans set after him and chase him to the edg of the earth, or in this case, the ocean. Where they then, in anger of him destroying Fax, rip off his wings, force him to eat them, and then cut off his tongue so he can't do his magic spit thing. Lastly, leave him there to bleed to death.

Break every bone in his body, starting with his skull, then his ears, nose, jaw, ect. Then pull one of his eyeballs out, so he experiences pain, but can still see what you're doing. Toss it on the floor, step on it, but keep it connected with the cord that attaches it to your brain. Finally, yank out his other eye and pull out his brain(did you know thatsnot is brain juice leaking out of your nose?) with that. Watch ashe slowly falls to a crumbled heap on the floor. **(This is my favorite one!)**

Find Darth Vader and tell him Dylan's Luke Skywalkers new form. Then he will proceed to find him, use his light savor to cut out his stomach, then use the force to rip out all of his other organs, put them in his stomach, and put his stomach back in his body.**(I'd say it was my favorite, but the other one is so this is my second favorite)**

Send him to the navy base in Hawaii, and tell them that he's the new life-like target. Also include that he's a robot with wings, modeled after the flock, and that he is programmed to scream "I'm real! I'm real!"

Tell him that Max digs a suicidal man, and that suicide means to nearly kill yourself but only put yourself in critical condition. When he does and Max doesn't respond tell him that he should strap his wings and jump off a cliff, where Max will come in and save him, and pulls him up as they share a kiss. To insure that that doesn't happen, tie Max up in tree.

Have him go to Taylor Swift's party, and have him dress up like a waiter and serve punch, but have Angel convince him it's normal. Then have him go up to Taylor Swift herself, and serve her punch. Then tell the body guards in an afraid whisper "He's an assassinator. It's his duty to kill her. That's poioned!" Point to her drink for the last part. Then step back as they 'save' Taylor, then go after Dylan and crush his spine until it's about the size of cookie crumbs like he deserves.

Sneak up behind him and cut off his arm. Then put the knife in the hand you tore off and cut off his leg. Then beat him with his leg, attached to his arm that you are holding.


	7. Chapter 7

**ATTENTION: PLEASE READ!**

I am taking a temporary leave from the website, so my stories won't be updated for awhile.


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